Improving Impulse Control in Children with SPD

Judy Benz Duncan, Occupational Therapist

Impulse control is a skill that many children with sensory processing deficits struggle with. Children who have poor or limited impulse control are usually easy to spot – they may, for example, speak out-of-turn, interrupt, jump up, wander away, distract others, make poor safety choices, grab food or toys, push others out of the way, have tantrums, leave activities undone, or have difficulty focus and attention.

Impulse Control Underlying Reasons

There are usually underlying reasons behind impulse control issues and related behaviors. Children with poorly developed sensory systems, communication skills, or who have challenged executive functioning skills, also typically have impulse control difficulties. 

For a child who is struggling with age appropriate skill development, sensory processing, focus and attention, physical limitations, cognitive delays, or even social impairments, the ability to control their base impulses makes for a very difficult time.  

Development of Impulse Control

Impulse control does not really begin to develop until around the age of 3 ½ to 4 years of age.

Impulsive behaviors seen in children are compounded in those who are already challenged with sensory processing delays, sensory integration deficits, unmet sensory needs, emotional maturity, overwhelming environments, stress, anxiety, or medical issues.

Impulse Control and Executive Function Skills

Impulse control requires the cognitive skills of executive function, which involve self-regulation, coping strategies, and internal skills that allow a child to filter out their impulses.

The impulses may depend on the situation, time management (wait time for example), reasoning, problem solving, planning and organization, will-power, self-control, and ability to inhibit or delay getting what they want right then.

When a child’s sensory needs are their primary focus, it becomes extremely difficult for them to refrain from their impulsive behaviors.

Examples of Impulse Control Behaviors

While young children may exhibit many of these behaviors, remember that impulse control takes time to develop and most children under three are just “not there yet.”

Impulsive behaviors and actions

o   Wandering away without regard for own safety

o   Running into a busy street without warning or care for safety

o   Yelling out in quiet spaces or public areas

o   Shoving others in line or if they are in their way

o   Cutting in front of others who may be waiting their turn

o   Jumping up from their seat and leaving the table

o   Poor attention on tasks

o   Grab food or toys inappropriately

o   Leaves projects and activities undone, leaving their seat or spot

o   Quits playing a game in the middle of an activity

o   May have an outburst or a tantrum when they do not immediately get what they want

o   Easily distracted and poor ability to come back to the task/activity

o   Difficulty paying focused and attending to a repetitious or sustained task

o   Forgets directions or what plan was when distracted

o   Poor attention when crossing a road or parking lot

o   Asking questions during an activity that have nothing to do with the task

o   Speaks out and interrupts others

o   Difficulty with being able to shift their focus from one task to another

o   May become frustrated with “rules” during an activity or task and may act out

Improving Impulse Control Takes Time

Children can be taught impulse control strategies, however these behaviors are learned over time and require consistent practice, repetition, the development of self-awareness and their executive functions.

Teachable moments are the key to helping your child develop impulse control, not scolding, reprimands, or delayed discipline.

Impulse Control Development Ideas & Activities

Be proactive in your approach to discipline related to impulsive behaviors.

Give praise and remarks in positive manner to all episodes of impulse control – even if it is only for a few seconds at a time! A child will quickly learn that they will get a “happy consequence” for waiting their turn, or asking before grabbing, or staying next to you when out in public. It may take more attention on your part to be aware of all the times of “good” behavior, and not just focus and respond to behavioral issues.

Immediate discipline or consequence in response to lack of impulse control – not delayed punishment. Let the “punishment” fit the “crime,” and the age of your child – a four-year-old may understand losing a toy, having to leave a party, or sitting in time out for 10 minutes, but not being “grounded” for losing “play time” for a whole week.

Delaying discipline often prevents a child from associating the behavior with the consequence and does not help them really understand how it relates to their earlier behavior. A time-out or loss of a reward/play time hours after the behavior does not really help cement the connection between loss of impulse control and the punishment.

Please speak with your child’s pediatrician, OT, ST, PT, and service providers for their input, advice and guidance before making or attempting changes – these ideas may or not be the best choice for your child, and working with those who do know your child is the best bet for success!

Other ideas and activities to help develop a child’s executive functioning, their impulse control, and sensory processing skills and threshold levels:

o   Provide positive feedback and specifically state what they are doing well, such as waiting their turn

o   Role play – acting out situations before-hand and talking about what will happen, what they will do, what is expected of them

o   Play games that require start/stop, and impulse control, like Mother-May-I, Red Light-Green Light, Simon Says, Duck-Duck-Goose, Twister, Hopscotch, Pick-Up-Stix, Hungry-Hungry-Hippos, Kid Bowling sets, Bean Bag Games)

o   Play games that require start/stop, impulse control, and the added distraction of music to the activity, like Musical Chairs, Cake Walk

o   Visual scavenger hunt, I Spy/ I See games – start with easy to find items and then increase to make them need to look and focus and attend for longer periods in order to find the item (CLICK & GO for a fun Flashlight Scavenger Hunt Idea on TheraPlay4Kids.com) 

o   Try using a timer for activities – help them to increase the time they can attend to and engage in an activity

o   Sorting activities (coins, blocks, silverware, colors, shapes, and so on)

o   Memory games – start with just 4 memory cards (to turn over and find the match) and slowly increase the number of sets of matching cards; start with simple pictures and/or shapes/colors to match and then move up to more complex pictures

o   Sharing activities – practice being able to tolerate sharing their toys with others – find toys, building blocks, etc., that they WILL share – giving them enough toys so that sharing does not “take away” their fun, or finding toys they are willing to share is a great start; Sharing could also be sharing in the work load (of clean up), attention, hugs, or of food.

o   Give warnings for transition or to pre-warn your child on how much time is left to play before stopping or moving on.

o   Talk about and practice what they can do besides shoving a person in their way, grabbing a toy or food, interrupting others. Give them other ideas that they can do to help them change their impulsive behaviors. Talk about how it makes the other person feel when they are shoved or interrupted or things grabbed from them. Repeat, repeat, repeat and repeat the talks and practice again and again.

o   Word search games where they cross out all letter A’s for instance, or circle all the S’s, or color in all of the O’s; have them work to complete the whole page, paying attention and looking back for any missed letters

o   Play any kind of turn taking games (boxed games, or active outdoor games, Old Maid, Go Fish)

o   Library - attend story time, check out a book, explore all that the library has!

o   Reduce distractions (visual, auditory); reduce any background noises, position your child facing away from windows or areas of activity

o   Make a behavior chart, giving stars or points for specific behaviors – come up with a reward for getting so many stars/check marks/points over the week; A behavior can be simple – try to give your child responsibility as they become more aware of their behavior of telling you they have earned a star or point.

o   Have your child repeat back any directions you have given them – did they really hear it all? Do they understand what is expected?

o   Reduce clutter that can be a distraction in itself

o   Develop a basic visual schedule of what to expect during the day with time guidelines (play time, park time, meal time, nap time, clean up time, etc.); use a sheet of paper, a blackboard, whatever works for you! Let your child help come up with ideas to put on the schedule, and check off things that are completed.

o   Practice “wait time” with a reward. You may need to start with a wait time of only 30 seconds or so and then slowly build up the ability to wait quietly. Three minutes is a good goal, working up one minute at a time to typically no more than 15 minutes (you may want to give them a quiet time activity to work on during longer wait times). Learning to wait is one of the hardest skills!

o   Teach self-calming strategies for when your child becomes frustrated (CLICK & GO to Blog on Self Calming Activities on TheraPlay4Kids.com)

o   Promote physically active play time, outdoor play, sensory rich playtime

o   Play “cooperative games and activities” like puzzles, construction blocks and logs where there is a common goal to achieve and sharing is also a plus

o   Share common heavy work like gardening and yard work, cleaning their room, carrying in groceries and putting them away

o   Make an “independent play box” or station, where they can go when you are unable to give them one-on-one attention when you are cooking, talking on the phone, getting dressed, etc. Make this a special time box that is not just seen as a regular toy box.

o   Thinking before you act takes years and years of practice, experience, and repetition.

o   Break bigger projects into smaller parts where it is easier to attend to for shorter periods of time

o   Try to use short brief direction for easy understanding

o   Give your child a “job” to pay attention to safety to help you and others stay safe

o   Repetition cannot be stressed enough!!! Processing and learning take time – repeating learning tasks and opportunities are a great way to help support your child’s impulse control development!

o    Remember to stay calm, model good impulse behavior, breathe!

Talk with your child’s service providers – they can help modify, adapt, or give suggestions on how to make changes that will be the most effective for your child.

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